Anyone outside of the online community that knows me even remotely well knows that I am less than social. Some (everyone) might even venture so far as to say that I am antisocial. With my aspie tendencies, avoidance, my social anxiety and my general disdain for humanity make me hesitate to really spend any time with people. I like being alone, or with the cats.

The rare people that have managed to make it into my life are there to stay, don’t get me wrong. I don’t accept people easily and usually it happens on a gut instinct. I get a good feeling about someone, I am instantly completely devoted to them. People make me uncomfortable. I feel that instant friendliness is a mask for some sort of potential personal gain. I’m never friendly on first site. Hell, I can be downright bitchy.

Today started out like any other day. Get up. Fall back asleep. Be nauseous. Fall asleep. Work. Fall asleep. Get ready for school and go.

This is where the routine changed.

For my Advanced Personality and Social Psychology Research class set we are assigned into groups. My group includes Martin (whom worked with me in Advanced Research Methods and Statistics aka: Measurement in Psychology) and four other girls with whom I am not acquainted. (Save for one girl who recognized me as a Law Society officer.) Relishing the chance to take it easy, I let one of these girls take the position of group leader. Of course, I’ve managed to usurp that position against my own wishes and am acting more of a leader than the real leader. This was to be expected.

What was not expected was the overt friendliness these girls expressed to me. I Don’t even know their names but they attempted to engage me in conversation. The law society member is in awe of my score. One tomboyish girl is impressed with my attitude. Another is in love with my shoes, my ring, my necklace and my super-cute lipgloss (she also loves cats!!) And so on and so forth. I don’t know them, they don’t know me. In all ways I am reserved and removed from the group. Yet they attempted to befriend me. This caused feelings of insecurity, discomfort and overall ill-ease. Though I am well aware that my reaction to their cheer was irrational and abnormal I was not able to stop it. All I wanted was for that class to end but once it did they surrounded me and walked around me like a pack of elephants around a juvenile. I felt TRAPPED!

Thus the thought occurred to me. This is not the average response of most people when others try to befriend them. How would other people react then? What if I was unusually social today? The experiment was easy enough to begin with – on my way out of class there was a Lunar New Year demonstration. I took out my camera and offered to take the video and pictures to the group panicking about a lack of either. I helped hand out little pamphlets and answered questions about some of the martial arts techniques being demonstrated. +1 Social Point.

I then ran into several school acquaintances. Only one of them was I mildly glad to see, a boy who kept me calm in a class we’d shared where the rest of our group consisted of idiots and people with the overall intelligence of a dead weed. We chatted and I walked him over to his lab. We laughed several times. It was awkward but not unpleasant. He seemed very pleased with the interaction. +1 Social Point

I FINALLY made it to the library where I saw a girl with whom i’d exchanged pleasantries during a class. I walked up to her with a smile and exchanged completely useless information about another classmate whom we both dislike. She then proceeded to tell me the troubles of her life, her school schedule – and several other things that were completely unnecessary to share. I listened patiently and replied when appropriate until I felt the conversation had reached a standstill. I dismissed myself, she hugged me. I did not hug back but patted her back. +1 Social Point

At the library I began to feel dizzy so I wandered off to find myself a snack. There I observed a woman who has been in several of my classes over the last few semesters. Being who I am, I had never spoken to her. I walked up, said hi and told her matter-of-factually that she’d been in several of my classes. I then told her that I hadn’t introduced myself yet because I greatly disliked her but that I was ready to talk to her now. She seemed to find this amusing and the conversation went on to the point that we had lunch together. I was myself, just with a lot more meaningless smiles and jokes thrown in. At the end of our lunch she told me that she’d been having a really bad day and that she was glad I spoke to her because now she felt much better. I said “Cool.” + 1 Social Point

4 Social Points Later I didn’t feel any more comfortable around people. I couldn’t help but notice the fact that a lot of conversations that we have day-to-day have no real purpose or benefit. This only seems to annoy me in face-to-face communications, not online ones.

I had meant to go for 5 social points but my 5th attempt seemed to be a person who is/was a lot like I am/was. She merely replied to my attempts with a short, curt “Thanks.” and went back to her business. This is how I usually reply (if I reply at all.) It made me feel a little sad, which was odd because I would have responded in the exact same way. I wonder if this is how I make people feel.

/Srs Bsns Post
- <3 EA