I was really hoping that when we agreed to each others requests it would work out. I promised to listen to his ideas, to acknowledge their merit. He promised to not tell me to “get over it” when I came to him with my feelings and to give real consideration to how I felt. Less than 48 hours later he was calling me stupid and telling me to “get over” the fact that he shot me down when I was opening up to him. C’lest la vie!

The truth is I’m too terrified of ending up alone to break things off. I know how horrible he is. I am not beyond seeing that the rare nice moments do not make up for the sheer number of shitty ones. I’m sure that someone else could love me more, better – or even more nicely. I don’t know why I’m staying. At this point there are zero benefits and nothing but pain. I feel like a dog that is expected to wait at the door until “master” comes home and pats my head before heading off to more important matters. (Maybe that’s why I never cared for dogs?)The truth is that I remember how good it used to be. How special I used to feel. How one word could make a crappy day all right again. I miss that feeling. I miss knowing that at least one person loved me unconditionally. Even if that feeling isn’t here anymore…I can’t help but yearn for it. But what’s the point in staying? Every night brings the same fight (or nothing at all and he calls just as he’s about to go to sleep.) I don’t have any idea what to do.

I’m an awful lot like a bad manga heroine. Yearning for the boy who treats her like crap and doesn’t care about her feelings at all when somewhere there is someone that does care. I don’t even know why I stay at this point. Every word from his mouth has some hidden connotation…or I just plain don’t believe him. How sad is that? How can you be in a relationship with someone you don’t trust?

I get it now. I think I may just be staying because I hope that the old him is still there. The him that used to care, the him that used to see me as HIS, the him that I haven’t seen in months. Everything else is just a lie. His love is a lie.

(Your) love is a lie.
I’m going to miss your lies.
Come back again, your lies.
All of them, (nothing but) lies.

Protecting your lies.
Without you and your lies, I cannot live.
If you’re going to leave like this,
Why did you still make that promise to me?

If it’s not you, I can’t, I can’t.
If it’s not you, I don’t want anything else.
Why am I still like this?
Why did you still take my hand?

How did it end up to this?
How is it like this?
You can’t do this.
You know that
I can’t feel anything, like this.

(Your) love is a lie.
I’m going to miss your lies.
Come back again, your lies.
All of them, (nothing but) lies.

Protecting your lies.
Without you and your lies, I cannot live.
If you’re going to leave like this,
Why did you still make that promise to me?

You’re telling me lies.
You can’t ask me anything anymore.
What must I do?
What must I do, if you were to leave?

It used to be love.
Love that has gone cold.
You’re very mean.
You’re very bad.
That’s why I end up crying this way.

(Your) love is a lie.
I’m going to miss your lies.
Come back again, your lies.
All of them, (nothing but) lies.

Protecting your lies.
Without you and your lies, I cannot live.
If you’re going to leave like this,
Why did you still make that promise to me?

Get out, your lies.
I won’t look back at all your lies.
I won’t look for them again, your lies.
All of them.

I’ll forget the lies.
Our end has come, (through) your lies.
I won’t think of it again,
Because without you, I can’t be anything.

Nananana I feel like dying. Without you, I can’t do anything.
Nananana I can’t cry for a separation like this.
My my my heart is painful, I think I would go crazy.
I beg of you, that you come back to me once again.

<3 EA